Posted by: Boopalan Jayaraman | July 18, 2009

Sex and the City – Tittle Tattle – PART II

After accepting many appreciations (Oh dudes, enough, my cap cannot hold any more feathers..!) and a greater number of stones thrown at, today I decided to come up with my next post on Sex and the City. In fact, that last post opened many doors for me to do a theoretical (Note – theoretical :-|) ‘research’ of an interesting world. It changed the way how people looked at me. Don’t shrink your face. I mean, how people viewed me. I did get some sort of reverence with the people I knew (including ‘few’ girls who I was afraid of). Probably they took me as a ‘learned’ man in the ‘subject’. Ahem, I do not have working knowledge, troubleshooting experiences, monitoring and control practices though.

Ok, I end my babbling here, and come to the matter. In the last post, the interesting topic for me was Retarded Ejaculation or Delayed Ejaculation (Henceforth referred to as DE). There is also another opposite type of ejaculation – which you would be aware of, after all, these years – Premature Ejaculation or Rapid Ejaculation (Henceforth referred to as PE).

 PE is when your female partner says, puzzled, – “Are you sure you did something?” Means it got over before it started. Means she did not feel your presence. Means, due to surge of emotions and urge to make love, you poured your love and ‘it’ before you intend to do so and before she expects you to do so. Means better luck next time, good night for now. Means you may have to face occasional indirect slams and slaps from your partner for the unsatisfied bedtime.

 DE is when your female partner says, baffled, – “Man, It is almost an hour, I finished reading this book and you are not yet done with the task!Means, you are synonymous to a two stroke engine. Means, it is a long way to go [although long before you started.]. Means, no orgasm seems to be in the offing, and you have to adopt other methodologies such as the famous “own-hand” (Self help is the best help!). Means, intercourse is a nightmare for your partner due to prolonged stroking.

 According to studies, with Premature Ejaculation, men ejaculate within two minutes. Another study says, 25%-40% of men in US are affected by PE. It does not mean that men in India do not have this problem. It certainly exists everywhere. Where there is a male-genital, there is PE (you thought, I would say ‘there is a female genital’?), researchers say. Most men experience PE at least once in their life, and mostly in their initial stages of sex life. It is a disorder if it persists to be there.

 With Delayed Ejaculation, men do not ejaculate easily, and it takes almost 30-45 minutes to ejaculate finally. It is also probable that most men do not reach orgasm in this case, and they achieve it only by masturbation. Alcohol addiction / a disease may cause this. It definitely causes physical irritation for the partner to stay in for 30-45 minutes of penetration, and causes mental irritation to see you sitting to masturbate for achieving orgasm, after all these irritating minutes 😉

 The good news is that, both disorders can be perfectly treated and cured. Both disorders have strong connection to mental stress and depending circumstances of the partners. There is something called – Premature Ejaculation Diagnostic Tool, developed by Pfizer. When we say ‘Tool’, do not think of a gizmo which has few color light emitting diodes, meters, switches along with a ‘deep hole’ in its body to position the male-organ. [If it ever exists, many boys would marry the machine]. It is just a questionnaire to be used in a treatment along with few instruments for calculations. It can also be treated by some known techniques to improve your control over ejaculation. [Remember, Masters and Johnson’s technique in the first post?]

 Delayed ejaculation is treated by some other techniques such as sex toys and mental training too. If it is caused by a disease, then the disease is first treated. The average success rate of treatment in this case is 70-80%.

 And an additional suggestion from the experts is, do not expect it to be perfect at the first time. We cannot score a century in our first match. In fact, expecting it to be perfect puts a pressure into your mind and you lose concentration on pleasure and enjoyment (which is the natural way to perfection). The saying ‘Do it right the first time’ applies to only our buggy software coding and not for sexual adventures. Concentrate, Give pleasure and also take pleasure.

 Tidbits: The acronym IELT stands for Intra-vaginal Ejaculatory Latency Time. And you thought it always stands for International English Language Test. Next time when someone tells you that he/she studies / prepares for IELT, don’t be a schmuck 😉

 See ya.

Posted by: Boopalan Jayaraman | July 18, 2009

TechKiddos – My tech blog..


I have started a technical blog  writing some useless stuff in .NET and possibly sharepoint. Probably it may help you or any of the visitor to kill time, as we only write about how we used technology to kill our time. It was not about teaching technology but about how  we got interested with few features of technology, and how we used it..

For ex., we built a model proxy-like (anonymizer) webpage which would read any (blocked) site content and show it to us, what would not be possible inside the corporate network. We also built a model site to download any file that is not allowed to be downloaded (because of size / blocked url) inside the corporate network. Also we did some funny stuff processing and tweaking Images inside the web page code, programmatically.. Any techno-hobbyists may find it useful..!!

The Url is :

It contains the following posts as of now.. Will update it frequently whenever I find time..

– How we developed a Model Proxy site (Anonymizer) with ASP.NET..
– How we developed a Proxy site (kinda Anonymizer) Part II..
– How we did Image Processing in ASP.NET..
– How we did Image Processing in ASP.NET – Part II..
– Response.Write(”Hello world!”);
– A straight way of Implementing Communicator Presence..
– How we used the Smart Tags [Communicator presence] in our applications..
– How we used the Query for Paging Technique to take the ‘N’th Row – Sql
– Making documents searchable (Full Text search & Indexing) on Sql Server – and the use of iFilters

This is just for your information.. 🙂

Posted by: Boopalan Jayaraman | June 30, 2009

Che Guevara and Chacha Nehru..!

From Manor of the Ardent:

It has been a while since I wrote something in our dear blog – manor of the ardent [By the way, did you notice reversing of ‘mota’ results in ‘ATOM’? Wow, man..]. “Oh, you wrote something?” – I can feel the rising of your eye-brows. Well, I did not write quite a lot. But actually I wanted to. Loads of it. Inspired by few people here, I wanted to write something motivational and patriotic. Inspired by few others, I wanted to write about Life. Inspired by some, I wanted to write mysterious yet meaningful posts. Inspired by the rest, I wanted to be the fun-centre with hilarious posts. But there is this saying, – “..thus the Lord said to the gathering, ‘Behold my people, Truth shalt always suck with thy Boopalan’..“. Yes, it went on to suck from then.

With all that inspiration, I sat to think, think, and think on what to write, staring at my laptop. A deep thinking. A silent, in-depth thinking. A peaceful thinking that can only be attained in a meditative state. Guess what, Yes, Before my laptop reached hibernation state, I reached it. To be precise, I slept. Few new assignments did not let me to take a slumber in office, and that took its toll on my mid-night blogging, mates! Father, forgive my Project Lead, for he did not know what he was doing! [to our blog and me, by assigning tasks!]

(No, I did not watch the Passion of the Christ movie this evening!) Today, right now, I decided to write something. The result of what, is you suffering from reading the above paragraphs. Ok, I stop all my blabberings right here, and try to make some sense in the below paragraphs. [if I don’t,.. forget it, it is our fate!]

When I was reading about Che Guevara, a revolutionary whom I admire the most after me [ahem!..], I wondered if he ever visited India in his life. I wanted to know what his opinion was about India. [Good that he is not alive. Otherwise, the world cannot sustain two revolutionaries, visionaries and titans. Do you still ask who the other one is?]

But interestingly, after few searches, I came to know that he visited India. An article in the Finance Express cited the following:

I should quote what he [che] wrote after visiting India in the same year of the triumph of the Revolution, 1959: “Nehru welcomed us with the friendly familiarity of a patriarchal grandfather, but with noble interest for the concerns and struggles of the Cuban people and made recommendations of extraordinary value, while showing samples of an unconditional affection towards our cause.” – in an article titled ‘Che, an icon and friend of India’ written by a-person-i-don’t-want-to-know.

Nehru? Welcomed? Ok, then further searches for information yielded me this below piece from a book – ‘Che Guevara’ written by some Jon Lee Anderson.

Ahem.. Ah, Mr. Comandante, how pleased I am, that you have liked India!


Posted by: Boopalan Jayaraman | June 19, 2009


I have seen, that  few  doctors  trust their intelligence more than their own knowledge on the field.

There was this doctor, in a village, who reportedly made no mistakes in predicting gender of  the foetus after examining any pregnant lady, at a period of no-technologies. He never predicted otherwise. Never. The village was amazed at his virtuoso knowledge in the field of medicine.

After years, he fell ill and was in death-bed. The time had come to transfer the powers of his clinic, to his son who was also a doctor. His son did not have a clue how his father predicted correct each time. He asked his father to teach him how he had been doing that.

The doctor said, ‘No big deal. Tell whatever comes to your mind first (Male / Female) after examining the lady, to the people. But make an opposite entry in the register on the same date in the name of the lady. For example, if you tell them ‘Male’, mark it as ‘Female’ in the register and vice versa.

 The child would take nine more months to take birth. At the end, if whatever you said was right – take full credits happily. If it goes wrong and they ask you, tell them ‘let me check-out the register what I have written for you’ and show them the entry. ’  

A translated version of an excerpt from an article-series which I read yesterday – by Sadhguru Jaki Vasudev [Founder – Isha, Dhyanalingam – Coimbatore]. [Posted in ‘Manor of the Ardents’]

Posted by: Boopalan Jayaraman | June 19, 2009

The Great Comeback..

On starting a collaborative blog with fellow corporate bloggers [Published in the ‘Manor of the Ardents’]

Having a collaborative blog such as this, helps us [at least me] in several ways. First, I am already tired of seeing enough of Bid-adieu kind of posts in the corporate blog which leave a vaccum in my mind upon mere reading. I’m sure I am not going to write a good-bye post here unless I choose to go to afterworld. [may be, the shortcut to afterworld is reading my posts myself repeatedly 😉 or reading Ed-Cohen’s mail repeatedly (By the way, why his mails do not contain a statuory warning – ‘reading my mails is injurious to health’?)].  Second, since we are not going to bid farewell to this space, People stay in touch forever (when they destined to do so). Third, I don’t have to howl over that there is no platform for my tittle-tattle posts [Boo, here too..?] and I can write to eternity with an assured base of cursed souls a.k.a readers. Fourth, it looks like a lonely natural island in mid of a ocean, where we live happily, peacefully, without any ‘disturbances’. (Probably this will cause an extreme boredom so that we start fighting with each other after sometime to add up spice to the discussions). Fifth, it would become a routine activity in the morning like bed-coffee, mail-checking (blog-checking?), looking for a refreshing read.

Having given a usual thesis on the benefits of this blog, I would like to say how special such initiatives are. [Ok, another lengthy paragraph guaranteed!]. We needed a change and shifted here. It is when we seek a change deliberately, better ideas are born. Such ideas led to the development of other successful platforms such as orkut, twitter etc. [Man, what are you up to?]. Ok, before fumes get blown out of your ears, I would put down what I came to say.

I just initiate a fun-post-series here. I answer few questions in this post and forward the same questions to one more blogger among us. The concerned blogger should, within 12 hours, answer them [add those questions to his / her next post] and publish. In the post, the blogger should forward it to another person [who should not be among the bloggers who received it already]. You may also add / remove questions before you forward it [you don’t need to answer the newly added ones].We would get to know better and people would start posting  😉

1. What do you think you are passionate about?
    –  Books [don’t think naughty!]. Books of science, historical novels, interesting incidents / tales from history, mystery, etc.

2. Interest in Cinema and Politics?
    – If not for Cinema and Politics, Tamilnadu would be a desert these days. Definitely I hold greater interest in these areas.  [One thing I read, the Maniratnam film ‘Roja’ / ‘Rose’ now goes Hollywood, after an english dubbing – titled as ‘The rose’.]

3. One good thing you want to happen in India, for people – Long term
    – Access to quality and homogeneous education for all. I would like to work towards that.

4. One good thing you want to happen for yourself – Short term
   – No further salary cut.

5. One good thing you want to happen for this community of bloggers – Long term
    – May they gain wisdom and inner-mind enlightenment by reading my revolutionary(!) posts. (Oh, have some patience, please!)

6. A frank thing you want to say about one of the bloggers here.
    – I and my friend used to have fun over Savita’s posts. We read every post of the recent times. Some we enjoy, some we laugh at, some we make fun of (due to that advice-tone). The most fun we had over the posts – ‘Thief’ and ‘Words’.

7. Flirted?
    – With many. Responses were positive . 😀

8. Loved?
    – Oh, good question, Keep it up. Ok, what is the next question?

8. Loved?
    – hello, Are you deaf (or blind !)? what is the next question?

8. Loved?
    – Yes, I love my job, I love my parents, I love my laptop, Now Ok?  I know this is cheesy answer! Can you move to the next question?

8. Loved?
    –  Oh, I would certainly tell you when my fall starts, i.e, when I fall in.
9. A country you want to visit?
    – England (and Srilanka, if multiple choice answers are allowed).

10. Belief in God?
    – I believe in one supreme power which does not make any mistake in its work, which runs this universe, and which does not seem to get bored of creation process even after producing billions of creatures.

11. One thing you would surely do to uplift this poor country.
    – Continuing the dreams. Praying to be unaffected by any circumstances which may push to deviate, from pursuing those dreams.

12. One secret about you.
    – I sucked my right thumb all nights during sleeping, till towards the end of my sixth standard. 😀

I forward all these questions to DEEPAK KUMAR. Deepak, now this is your turn to answer all those and forward questions of your wish to another. Don’t forget – 12 hours. Since this is the first turn, you take a tolerance level, + 3 hours. Before this evening..!

By the bye, you did not ask why I titled this post as ‘the great comeback..’  He.. he.. he.., why would you ask all those things at the end of the post?..

Posted by: Boopalan Jayaraman | May 25, 2009

Joseph Stalin

A translation , by me, of the first chapter of a book I recently finished reading.

In that almost-abandoned, forest-like area was this house, in a corner that can hardly get one’s attention. A very old house, that was intentionally covered with bush-like formation of plants and trees. An outsider would seldom hear / know any incident inside the house. Even if a murder takes place. And, that is why a murder took place there.

The person who was assassinated there is – Leon Trotsky. One of the very few names, that comes to one’s mind when hearing about Soviet Russia. A close ally of Lenin. A great thinker, who had thousands of admirers beyond the borders. Please note, only beyond the borders.

Trotsky was a great leader for men who has only hates for Stalin, yet he is a devil-to-be-eliminated for men who celebrate Stalin. Trotsky knew this. And so he chose to roam country after country, not staying anywhere permanently. The last country, he found a shelter in, is Mexico – Coyoacon capital city.

August 20, 1940. Noon.

The door of the house, which Trotsky stayed in, was knocked. A shiver went through the nerves of Trotsky, who did not realize the dropping off of the book from the hand, in fear.

‘Who is out there, today?’

Even the rustles from the tree, could cause a goose bump in Trotsky’s body whose dread got added every minute. He thought that he was followed secretly by somebody. somebody? None other than Stalin’s secret agents. Trotsky whispered, ‘He is not going to let me live. He is never going to. If not today, it is tomorrow. And if not tomorrow, it is the day-after, that I would face an end’. The situation had pushed Trotsky to the extreme, that he held trust in none around.

Knocking of the door, again.

Making up his mind, Trotsky got up from his seat, and headed towards the door. Opened the door, Trotsky saw a man standing out, with a book in his hand. He smiled at Trotsky. Trotsky smiled at him back. ‘Oh, You?’

‘Trotsky, I have something to talk to you.’

‘Come in,’.

Entered the room, the man looked around, and sat in the chair. ‘I brought a hand-written article and I want you to go through it. Would be great if you can make corrections, Sir. It’s an important one. Explains why I am here to seek your help.’

‘Why not? Give it, let me see.’

Trotsky started reading the article aloud. The man stood up. He put his overcoat away, over the table. He touched his pocket once, and ensured ‘the thing’ was there in it. Trotsky took notice of nothing. He was involved in reading the article deeply.
He stood quietly for a minute, after which he swiftly took ‘the thing’ out of his pocket. ‘The thing’ – an icepick. A strong, sharp, long knife used by people who used to climb icy mountains.

A second. Just a second. The icepick pierced into the skull of Trotsky.

     ***                    ***

Trotsky’s cries echoed into the region and he was bleeding to death. Bewildered assassin, tried to flee away only to get caught by Trotsky’s personal guards. Standing at the edge of the death, Trotsky screamed, ‘Don’t have him killed.’

Trotsky left the world calmly, the next day.

   ***                       ***

His name was Ramon Mercader. A secret agent of Soviet Intelligence, whose code name was Gnome.

Officials at Sovient Intelligence agency, summoned him one day. ‘The person in this photograph, currently lives at hidden place at Mexico. Take down the address. Have him finished.’ He reached Mexico with the use of an officially-made fake passport.

He just watched the house for days. A lot of security personnels. ‘Cant mess up with them’. He decided to wait for some more time. He watched the frequent visitors to the house. A woman frequented the house. She was the personal secretary of Trotsky. Her home was near and she was unmarried. He befriended her, frequented the house with her, got acquainted with the guards and finally with Trotsky. Finally he sent him to the underworld.

Guards handed him over to Mexican police. He uttered not a word out. A twenty years imprisonment was sentenced against him. When he got released, Russia brought him back to homeland safely.

The world then came to know who Mercader killed Trotsky for, only after the fall of Soviet Union. But Trotskyists knew it decades ago.

Joseph Stalin !

Posted by: Boopalan Jayaraman | May 18, 2009

A post I loved..!

If there was a post that I liked much, that took me into strong wave of emotions, in the recent times, it was this one below.

Posted by one of my fellow-bloggers [now a good friend] – Nafeesahamed, ‘Father forgets..‘ was simply a great post, reminding me of what we usually forget in such relationships.

Some pieces of work, have to be felt instead of being read. Feel it.

Here is the Url:

~ BJ ~

Posted by: Boopalan Jayaraman | May 16, 2009

Sex and the City – Tittle Tattle

Don’t know how you will take this post!

 Months back, my friend Surjith has written in our cBlog about ‘Sexual dimorphism’. Although, till date, I did not understand what Sexual dimorphism is or I did not care to read it fully, I remember one interesting question that he asked at the end of the post. In fact, with a wide grin, I accept that was the first thing which got my attention. He had asked ‘do you know which animal has the largest male-genital to body-size ratio?’ [Question rephrased]

 I, innocently (really?), but sarcastically, suggested a horse or elephant as the answers in the comments section. No, don’t ever think that I suggested my name! [Anyhow his answer, at the end of this post] See, whether having a cBlog would improve the organization’s knowledge management or not, I am not sure, but having a cBlog would definitely help us to have such nice and effective closed discussions which may help us in the ‘future’.

 One of the other internet blogs, for which I am a regular reader, had written about Spam mails and their interesting subjects (most spam mails I receive here, would deal about the improvement in ‘size’ and they discussed about it too), and asked ‘Does size matter to Indians too?’[It is a blog by NRIs from USA]. A good percentage of women seem to be worried on this too. [Again, don’t ask ‘How do you know?’ as I am not going to tell you anyhow and this is according to the studies.]

 The same blog has come up with another post after sometime, about ‘the discount coupon system’ that they get with daily newspapers in USA. The coupon is just for anything – like they would give a coupon of $2 discount on haircut on a salon, etc. So, they discussed about a coupon for ‘Arousal gel for her’ and they touched upon the topic of Arousal gels. I elaborate a little here, on what I replied these posts. (Damn!)

 First on Size part! Probably I have nothing new to tell you, since you would have understood the concept by means of self-exploration and studies. A painter should not have a brush that is too big to paint. A satisfactory length will do. Similarly, the wish of having bigger genitals arises only from the ‘attraction psychology’ or fantasy. The global average erectile length ranges between 5 inches to 7 inches [Wikipedia]. No need to worry, even if it is slightly lesser or greater than these standards. The sensitive back area of Clitoris [they would term it as G-Spot, BlogSpot and all that jazz…] normally lies between 3 to 4.5 inches distance. If the length is able to satisfy this range, it is a fair piece. Go party. (Whatever you get to see in films, don’t believe it ;-). It is a marketing requirement for them 😀)

Secondly, they questioned in the blog why there are no arousal gels for men to have prolonged erection. I read sometime ago, Masters and Johnson [researchers on Human sexual responses] had proved that Healthy Men’s erection can last only for two to four minutes during vaginal intercourse, and anything beyond this limit will be considered as a disorder. For ex., a disorder called ‘Retarded ejaculation’, if had, would make a man have a prolonged erection [till 30-45 minutes], and causes nothing but irritation to both partners [due to friction]. As claimed by famous sexologist Dr.Narayana reddy, Women don’t expect men to involve in prolonged erection and vaginal intercourse. Instead they adore men who involve in extended-and-enjoyable foreplay, followed by a satisfying intercourse that guides to orgasm.

For these interesting articles,

 Also, the pressure of having a child, as imposed by relatives sometimes, is to be avoided during bedtime. Taking a hot-water bath regularly would affect male fertility, as sperms die due to the heat. In ancient times, when there were no family-planning methodologies, the couple would sit a hot-water bathtub for few minutes, and then involve in sex, I read. [How they knew!]. Similar effect may be produced when we wear tight jeans, travel frequently, sit in the same place for long [even with A/C], ride bikes so often, working in hot areas, etc.

 That’s all. J . Ok, answer to Surjith’s question:

The answer is Barnacles. Barnacles are small anthropods (phylum including spiders, scorpions, insects, crustaceans (prawns, mussels etc) etc.) They are exclusively marine and they attach themselves permanently to some rocks in shallow sea water. (They are similar to the creatures we call “kakka” in malayalam. Maybe it’s the same in Tamil. One more clue is that kakka (muscles) are used to make lime (Calcium carbonate))…

Anyway, these creatures have male-genitals which are 8 times their body size!!! They can reach up to 15 cm (6 in) in length…

Now you know why I hate this Surjith. Somebody, for god-sake, please forbid his access to wikipedia!

 Technical Point and History Corner will find place in next tittle-tattle post.


~ BJ ~

Posted by: Boopalan Jayaraman | April 17, 2009

Sarath Babu – An IIM Grad in the elections – 2009


The other evening I was chatting with one of my friends, “Can you ever think of me contesting in the elections and giving poses in front of media? Of Course, I agree mine is not a photogenic face…” He interrupted before I could complete, “I disagree” said he. With an exciting tone, I replied “Yo man, Glad that you accept I am photogenic, but, see…” He again interrupted, “I disagree with the point that you call yours a face” Damned, I thought.


Such is the face-value of mine and keeping the discussions about my face aside for now, I would like to share something about Mr. Sarath Babu. No, Not any similar incidences as found in the first paragraph. You would have read about this guy, sometime back, as one who made it to BITS and IIMA, from the slums of Chennai. But you would not have read about me who made it to this IT MNC from the town panchayat of vellakerWait, I can feel your face getting red. Let me come to the matter. He contests this parliamentary election from south-chennai constituency, as an independent.


A small Introduction about him! His was a house [we usually call it a hut] in Madipaakam, Chennai. His mother (Deepa Ramani, as some sites say) ran a roadside Idli shop there and the family (2 more sons) had its way with the income through this small shop. When Sarath Babu was graduated out of IIM Ahmedabad in 2006, he was offered a job with an annual salary of USD 185000. He declined it. [Hmmm, 185000 * 50, equals… Aiyo..! :-O]. Rather he put forth his ambition of starting his own business – a catering service.


FoodKing Catering Services – was the incorporated company. He once shared in an interview, that even for the incorporation of the private limited firm, he had needed 1 Lakh Rupees[as per the government norms], which he did not have. His friends offered him the money [Friends Indeed. Surjith, get some inspiration and offer me some money!]. Narayana Murthy, Founder of Infosys, inaugurated the company operations. Today his firm earns more than 7 Crores Rupees in annual revenue, employs around 250 and offers services to Corporates and Colleges in Chennai, Hyderabad, Goa, Pliani, etc.


Well, now for the elections. Recent mid-term polls in TamilNadu have made people doubt if the parties had just looted Reserve Bank. Numerous offers to people that does not limit to but include Free Meal with Biriyani, drinks, travel fares, cash rewards (not less than 1000 per head), Silver kitchen containers, gold coins, etc. An independent contestant will most unlikely be able to face the battle with cash-rich, goon-crowded parties.  Sarath has come forward and shown his guts to face it, which is first required quality for anyone to enter politics. I appreciate and applaud! A ray of hope on future politics!


Normally I doubt any party formed by young people just out of institutions. For they lack maturity, and their inability to get along with the people from lower / rural class. Years back, one of such parties contested in some five constituencies for the assembly election here, and I saw few young people in bikes holding the party-flag, chorusing ‘Vote for So-and-so party’ in English, moved swiftly. My first-impression was not good. They did not reach the people, they did not get along, and they did not succeed.


I hear Sarath is working out several plans for going to the people. Let us wait and watch if the intellect of his, which brought him laurels in education and business career, can bring one in the politics too.  

 Inauguration of Foodking India

From Right: Narayana Murthy, Sarath’s Mother, Sarath
Source: FoodKing India website.
Posted by: Boopalan Jayaraman | April 9, 2009

Policies of Management

Frankly speaking, the policies listed here do not apply globally to all managers. The convenience in saying so is, if I become a manager tomorrow [i.e., a day in future which would be marked by golden words in my history and marked by bloody words in the team’s history], I can say these do not apply to me as I would be an all-modern, unorthodox Manager.


Whatever I have written here comes out of my personal experience and close watching of others’ experiences.


Before going into, I would describe the most-agreed characteristics of entry level technology programmers. As ELTPs, We are energetic. So energetic that, if we are given with a project, the next day we would deliver [don’t know what!]. We are the ones, who would wait for projects eagerly when in bench, and want to go to bench when in project [of course, after few sessions from dear manager]. We always dream that we would code, code and code, finally save the project before the song ends. [But the truth always sucks!]. We learn to listen to almost anyone, irrespective of how boring it is. We are courageous enough to watch Robin sharma’s deadly videos, and to hear Brigadier’s almost-recorded speech. We believe vending-machine-coffee tastes good and we stand in queue for that. We start official calls with the telephone etiquette that was taught. We don’t forget to put our training project into our resumes, and if possible, along with degree’s final year project.


I may go on to add, but want to stop here fearing a number of shoes from my fellows. And some of them may not be valid now, since it is written based on some 3.5 years old experience.


1.    First day promises go with the first week – As you join the team into your first project, you are committed to hear flexible policies like – ‘You may come at any time and leave at any time. I don’t mind it as long as your deliverables hold good. This is a wonderful place for you to learn and grow high.’ You sigh but don’t realize that there is a hidden disclaimer which states – ‘Management (him / herself) holds the full rights to revise the policy without prior intimation. After the first week, this policy stands withdrawn and you qualify to get full-swing ‘sessions’ if you do NOT understand that ‘you may come at any time before 9.00 am and leave at any time after 7.00 pm (for this, conditions apply.)’. 

2.    Help Policy – Your comfort level increases in the new atmosphere when you are assured – ‘if you have any doubts in this new technology, feel free to ask anyone here or even me.’ You ask a person who tries to look like a senior, and he yells at you [just like his senior did on him.] You are pulled by the manager now and told, ‘Everyone has work here. Don’t disturb them, come to me.’ When you go to him/her for help, you are asked in return ‘I thought you can understand and do this simple stuff yourself, am I wrong?

3.    The case of Confirmation appraisal – You get into the discussion having all the points in mind to project you as a star performer. But as the discussion goes on, you are forced to believe that you performed so bad that you could not get a penny as increment. You hear advices like ‘You should be street-smart’ but since you don’t know what street-smart either means or relates to here, you walk out of the discussion blaming your poor performance all the months.

4.    The curious case of Annual appraisal – You have been advised to perform better and better so that you may be considered for a possibly-star rating. You borrow the text for target planning from all your friends and fill the form. You don’t borrow the text for target evaluation and they don’t share even if you ask, since both parties believe each has performed better than the other. You enter discussion just like the previous case, but with some extra points in mind. You achieve a star rating. You give a treat to close friends. But when the other phases such as reviewer and normalization go on, you realize what ‘possibly’ actually means. You start asking your friends to refund the treat-expenditure.

5.    New-requirements-developed-in-no-time policy – For management, you are a ‘Wall-E’ robot [you watched that film?] which takes junk inside, crunches and ejects a junk-cube in seconds. You take down new requirements, adopt them in the current modules and release them in the same build.

6.    Break timings policy – Your working hours are directly proportional (with an exponential variable as multiplying factor) to the number of times manager sees you in cafeteria. 😀

7.    Personal property damage policy – You work on a holiday and return home at midnight due to pressure to do so. Your mobile phone / handbag are grabbed by robbers-on-bike. As per the Pareto chart the robbers who came on bike, Metropolitan police which oversees law and order in the city but failed in preventing these robberies, Chief Minister who takes direct control of Police department but failed in controlling them are the ones to be blamed for the robbery. As per the cause and effect analysis, you are the one to be blamed as you walked with it explicitly. The ‘circumstances’ which made you work late on the holiday does not come into picture in the chart and analysis.


We can go on to write policies for Managers / developers as listed. But keeping the termination-of-employment policies of the organization in mind, I stop with this now. 😀


Disclaimer: I did not have to put a disclaimer since my manager has left the company. And I reserve the rights to put one to say it does not target anyone, if my current manager starts blogging 😀

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