Posted by: Boopalan Jayaraman | April 9, 2009

Policies of Management

Frankly speaking, the policies listed here do not apply globally to all managers. The convenience in saying so is, if I become a manager tomorrow [i.e., a day in future which would be marked by golden words in my history and marked by bloody words in the team’s history], I can say these do not apply to me as I would be an all-modern, unorthodox Manager.

 

Whatever I have written here comes out of my personal experience and close watching of others’ experiences.

 

Before going into, I would describe the most-agreed characteristics of entry level technology programmers. As ELTPs, We are energetic. So energetic that, if we are given with a project, the next day we would deliver [don’t know what!]. We are the ones, who would wait for projects eagerly when in bench, and want to go to bench when in project [of course, after few sessions from dear manager]. We always dream that we would code, code and code, finally save the project before the song ends. [But the truth always sucks!]. We learn to listen to almost anyone, irrespective of how boring it is. We are courageous enough to watch Robin sharma’s deadly videos, and to hear Brigadier’s almost-recorded speech. We believe vending-machine-coffee tastes good and we stand in queue for that. We start official calls with the telephone etiquette that was taught. We don’t forget to put our training project into our resumes, and if possible, along with degree’s final year project.

 

I may go on to add, but want to stop here fearing a number of shoes from my fellows. And some of them may not be valid now, since it is written based on some 3.5 years old experience.

 

1.    First day promises go with the first week – As you join the team into your first project, you are committed to hear flexible policies like – ‘You may come at any time and leave at any time. I don’t mind it as long as your deliverables hold good. This is a wonderful place for you to learn and grow high.’ You sigh but don’t realize that there is a hidden disclaimer which states – ‘Management (him / herself) holds the full rights to revise the policy without prior intimation. After the first week, this policy stands withdrawn and you qualify to get full-swing ‘sessions’ if you do NOT understand that ‘you may come at any time before 9.00 am and leave at any time after 7.00 pm (for this, conditions apply.)’. 

2.    Help Policy – Your comfort level increases in the new atmosphere when you are assured – ‘if you have any doubts in this new technology, feel free to ask anyone here or even me.’ You ask a person who tries to look like a senior, and he yells at you [just like his senior did on him.] You are pulled by the manager now and told, ‘Everyone has work here. Don’t disturb them, come to me.’ When you go to him/her for help, you are asked in return ‘I thought you can understand and do this simple stuff yourself, am I wrong?

3.    The case of Confirmation appraisal – You get into the discussion having all the points in mind to project you as a star performer. But as the discussion goes on, you are forced to believe that you performed so bad that you could not get a penny as increment. You hear advices like ‘You should be street-smart’ but since you don’t know what street-smart either means or relates to here, you walk out of the discussion blaming your poor performance all the months.

4.    The curious case of Annual appraisal – You have been advised to perform better and better so that you may be considered for a possibly-star rating. You borrow the text for target planning from all your friends and fill the form. You don’t borrow the text for target evaluation and they don’t share even if you ask, since both parties believe each has performed better than the other. You enter discussion just like the previous case, but with some extra points in mind. You achieve a star rating. You give a treat to close friends. But when the other phases such as reviewer and normalization go on, you realize what ‘possibly’ actually means. You start asking your friends to refund the treat-expenditure.

5.    New-requirements-developed-in-no-time policy – For management, you are a ‘Wall-E’ robot [you watched that film?] which takes junk inside, crunches and ejects a junk-cube in seconds. You take down new requirements, adopt them in the current modules and release them in the same build.

6.    Break timings policy – Your working hours are directly proportional (with an exponential variable as multiplying factor) to the number of times manager sees you in cafeteria. 😀

7.    Personal property damage policy – You work on a holiday and return home at midnight due to pressure to do so. Your mobile phone / handbag are grabbed by robbers-on-bike. As per the Pareto chart the robbers who came on bike, Metropolitan police which oversees law and order in the city but failed in preventing these robberies, Chief Minister who takes direct control of Police department but failed in controlling them are the ones to be blamed for the robbery. As per the cause and effect analysis, you are the one to be blamed as you walked with it explicitly. The ‘circumstances’ which made you work late on the holiday does not come into picture in the chart and analysis.

 

We can go on to write policies for Managers / developers as listed. But keeping the termination-of-employment policies of the organization in mind, I stop with this now. 😀

 

Disclaimer: I did not have to put a disclaimer since my manager has left the company. And I reserve the rights to put one to say it does not target anyone, if my current manager starts blogging 😀

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Responses

  1. Good One Boo..Had a hearty Laugh..:D

    • Thank you PGB..!! Glad that it made you laugh in your tight schedule..! 😀

  2. Boo… I visited your blog… but didn’t read :-P… You can expect the same dedication from me if we get the proj hehehehe

    • You bloody baskar..!!

  3. Finally I got around to reading this… Funny post.. btw, you still have your training proj in your resume?

    • No.. I deleted it after my first project. But PGB had it when I opened his resume to format it on behalf of him [as the jumbo did not have time..].. He had all other client projects on top of it.. Wonder if he had forwarded the same to earlier project interviews..!


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